When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
