he puts the penis in happiness.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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