i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
