Pappa wants mamma naked
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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