Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
