he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
