I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
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