the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
