: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
