Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
