he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I have aggressive nipples.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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