I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Is it penis luge time yet?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
