I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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