Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
