So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
