So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
