I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
