I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Im part way to drunk.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
