but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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