My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
