i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
