I just pynch a tree in the face
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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