all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
