I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My liver just had a heart attack.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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