I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
