she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
