Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
