Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
