You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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