oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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