Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
