Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
