John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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