Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
