I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
