Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
