Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
