Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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