when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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