and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
