I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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