sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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