so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
