bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
