You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
