I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
