So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We are all done wearing pants today
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
