I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
