My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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