you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
