I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
