Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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