so that wasnt chicken after all
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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